Fifty Shades of-I-wish-I-never.

I’m finding it hard to start writing this post and the content in it. Fifty Shades of Grey was definitely one of the worst experiences I’ve had in a cinema theatre. It was the worst movie I have EVER watched and I don’t know where to sway the blame to – the hype before the movie or the fact that I’ve watched too many movies in my lifetime (I’m still living) so I tend to scrutinise more?

When leaving the cinema, one of my work colleagues said the following: “they had as much chemistry as two strangers at a bus stop with a whip” – which honestly summed up the whole movie. It’s not even a love story, it can’t be a love story, and it better not be a love story.

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The stalking, the emotional and physical abuse is as prevalent as it is in its fan fiction “Twilight”. Even outside the “red room” they have the most unhealthiest relationship (Dornan also has awfully small lips, almost non-existent).

Basically, Christian Grey hits Ana Steele without her consent. Maybe it was because she wanted to spend more time with him? It probably is that but how would I know? The portrayal of any sensuality was not visible whatsoever!

Repetitive sex scenes, no chemistry and a bag full of questionable cinematic techniques – I wouldn’t waste my time. The highlight of my night was the McDonald’s grub after.

That says a lot, I shouldn’t enjoy McDonald’s this much. Incomprehensible that such a movie can lure so many viewers. Complete cash cow.

This post epitomises the movie – no structural guidance. I didn’t want to but I did.

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